Love Lessons From A Ghanaian Auntie
"Ei Sweetie! Look at how big you’ve become."
"But be eating a lot so you can put on some weight, okay?" she smiled.
A man yells as he approaches us, “Is that your niece from the US? Oh fine fine." Auntie Grace shoves a 5 cedi note into his palm and he turns to walk towards the gate.
He teases in Twi, “Auntie Grace, wo ba no aso aware” which translates as your child is ripe for marriage. “It’s true, isn’t it?” she laughs heartily and hits me as drops her whole body on my side. This is a very popular way of laughing in Ghana. Most of us can’t talk without touching your shoulder. A joke isn’t funny unless you're slapped on the shoulder or across your back lovingly of course.
She leans closer and asks, “So you’ve finished school?”
“Yes auntie” I replied.
“I know you’ve told me you want to go again, but when you go, open your eyes, I beg you” she said with worry. As if she knew her niece could care less.
Here goes Auntie Grace’s tips to finding love. I have provided explanations to each tip for those of you who will not understand. No, I am not questioning your literacy, I dare not. A lot of these tips have a deeper meaning. It is my duty to shed more light. These are not just mere words my friend. Anyway, here you go!
1. “Pray about it. Before I met your uncle, I was praying about my marriage since the age of 16. I wrote down everything I wanted in a man including the physical features in a diary and I got it”. I began to picture my uncle’s pot belly and I was trying to figure out if that was a feature she wrote down in her prayer journal.
Explanation: Ghanaians love to pray and most believe everything has a spiritual influence. “Some people are not really humans, they are walking on their heads in spirit” a taxi driver once told me. Your spouse can be an agent of the devil so be careful.
2. “If you go out on a date with a man and he doesn’t insist on paying for you, it’s a sign that he won’t be generous in marriage. You don’t want that. I’m not telling you to specifically look for rich men, just make sure he’s giving especially with his time and more importantly money.”
Explanation: It’s just a date, the marriage talk is too soon, did you just think that? In our society, the point of dating is to get married. I don’t know what’s wrong with young people. Although this may not be the case in your little bubble, the majority of married Ghanaians not the ones you know, or whose pictures you liked on Instagram but the ones who cannot afford to be sheltered from the country’s problems, are usually taking care of at least one family member. If your spouse is supportive, you both can carry the burden of supporting a nephew through high school or paying medical bills for a father-in-law. I mean who else is going to take care of them?
3. “Don’t frown your face otherwise men will be afraid to approach you. You need to be lively otherwise you’d scare them away.”
Explanation: Ghanaians are very hospitable people. So hospitable that we are willing to leave our personal issues unaddressed to provide unsolicited counsel to others at all times and without fail. The stakes are always higher and different for women. You have to smile all the time when a man approaches you. You should thank God that he even approached you. For guys: make sure your girlfriend smiles a lot, like for no reason at all times. That’s a sign that you’ve found a keeper.
4. “Why are you still single? I think you’re too picky.”
Explanation: Ghanaian aunties are quick to say, this especially when all their efforts to play match maker fails. If you’re wondering why a specific man or woman randomly shows up whenever you come to visit, wonder no more. They are looking for a spouse on your behalf and as you’re reading this post they’ve picked the wedding venue. Wise up!
5. "Are you going to church? Find a good church to attend when you go."
Explanation: A number of Ghanaians can identify as one or more of the following: christians, church goers, seasonal church goers, christians who don't go to church, muslims, muslims who only celebrate Eid, muslims who don't fast, traditional worshippers, witches and wizards just to name a few. However, churches are a hot spot for finding love since majority of people go to church. Have you ever been to a church with majority of Africans? Everyone is well dressed, usually because of the pressure to look good or just to show off. Also, if you’re single and of good conduct i.e greet everyone in church, give gifts to your pastor's wife, smile a lot, and attend every church program, someone can put in a good word and you’d be dating already. So what are you waiting for?
Hope you enjoyed these tips from my aunt please do share some of the ones you've heard and chat to me in the comments! Thank you so much for reading!
