Born One

“Everyday you’re playing with boys, what’s your problem? I don’t want to hear that you’re pregnant oh. I don’t want any born one under my roof. If you think you’re woman enough because you have big breasts, leave my house. Don’t disgrace me!” 

These words kept ringing in my ear from the previous night when I was caught playing pilolo (a Ghanaian game) with the boys. Auntie Yaa was not pleased. 

The first bell rang and all the students rushed out like poultry to the assembly square. You dare not be late. This was an important gathering where we were mostly yelled at to be honest. We lined up by class like maize seeds planted on a farm. We will pray and sing songs, Christian songs. My friend, Fatima, would sing Christian songs even though she knew nothing about Jesus. She was Muslim. There were other students who were not Christian who will sing the songs and say the prayers. Not doing this was considered disobedience which warranted punishment. 

Mr Lartey is on duty this week. He walks in between the lines and inspects our uniforms, hair and fingernails. 

“Finger nails must be short, are you hearing me?” 

“Tuck in your shirt! bush boy” he yelled at Ato as saliva sprayed from his wide mouth splattered across our moisturized faces. 

“Hey you this girl, your uniform is always short, leave the line and go and stand over there” he points to the direction of the headmistress. 

Everyone stared at me. You don’t want to called aside ever. It’s humiliating. It’s happened all the time for me, so I’m used to it now. Three strokes on my hand and then I’m told never to do that again. This was out of my control. The uniform I wear is a hand me down from my cousins and Auntie Yaa has no intentions of making me a new one. My cousins were skinny and shorter and I was the true African queen who developed breasts and buttocks too early on. That’s what Uncle Ato said. 

The marching song for this week was “Arise Ghana Youth for Your Country”. This is one of the most popular songs taught in Ghanaian schools. Fun fact, not all schools in Ghana are Ghanaian by the way. We’ve opened our borders so wide that you would find schools from other countries. Like Swiss, American, British or maybe Chinese? There are a plethora of choices. 

We marched as the band played. We had our own funny lyrics to the marching songs. When the beat drops, we would sing our made up lyrics and this made us giggle so much. The other students made funny faces as they marched in front of me to their classrooms. I tried not to make eye contact. 

Mrs Quansah walked up to me and gave me another lecture about how wearing short skirts are bad and she asked me the same question like she did the previous week. “Sena, do you want to be born one?” Auntie Yaa first mentioned this when I first had my period at 13. 

Born one is a term used to describe a woman who has a child outside of marriage. Often times, the child is born to a school going teenaged mother. I have only heard this term used on a woman.

Auntie Yaa and I watch an AIDS documentary whenever she caught me playing with boys. My period came and I showed Auntie Yaa. I cried because I didn’t want to get pregnant since all they spoke about was teenage pregnancy once you start your period. There were many girls in my neighborhood who ended up pregnant and were called born ones. I didn’t want to become like them.

Auntie Yaa asked me to eat boiled egg without my teeth touching it. Eating a boiled egg without your teeth touching it when you start your period implies that as a young girl, your virginity is as fragile like the egg and should be protected until marriage. I also had to watch the AIDS documentary again. After the documentary ended, she asked me, “So do you want to be like them? Sick and so bony with flies around your mouth?”

With tears in my eyes, i shook my head vehemently and replied “no Auntie Yaa”

“I don’t want you to get AIDS so don’t let any man touch you”. If a man touches you, you will become born one and you can’t finish school and you can even end up like the woman in the video”, Auntie Yaa muttered under her breath. 

“Is that what you want?” She asked. 

“No Auntie Yaa”, I replied choking in tears. 

That was the end of it. We never spoke of this again. Whenever a kissing scene came on in a Nigerian movie she will tell me how bad children do this and how I should never partake in that unless I want to have AIDS and become born one. To this day, I will wheeze of uneasiness whenever a kissing scene comes on during a show or movie. 

Sex education is really lacking and most young people in Ghana are not knowledgeable. We push the narrative that “Ghana is a Christian country” which is not constitutionally and pretend that young people are clueless about sex even though they could be exposed to it forcefully or not. Under this pretense, we overlook child molestation as the sex talk is not done properly and mostly reserved for girls. Many young people are prey to uncles or aunties in church and even family members and neighbors at home without knowing that they are being abused and raped. 

Were you given the sex talk? How was your experience? Chat to me in the comments :) and yes I’m back!